ABUSE
Abuse is much in the news, especially regards sexual abuse in which Sri Lanka has received tragic notoriety. Abuse of children in the flesh trade, substance abuse, as child soldiers, hard labour, domestic slaves, at the hands of alcoholic fathers, in underworld activities, for heroin peddling are some forms of abuse that vcome within the purview of criminal law. There are more subtle ways in which children are abused viz. – parental ambition which drives children to perform for approval, marred personalities in being driven in sports or other extracurricular activities, information overload, video games, parental divorce, abuse of the financially deprived child because those who have so much and he so little. .
Adults too abuse themselves in different ways .
God the Father created us in His image of justice, love and fair play. In adult life, the abuse of the Father image in us can come from ourselves or from others. Others may use and abuse us sexually, or in hard work. We may abuse ourselves sexually or thru driven-ness to work, earn and gain fame. Exaltation thru sports, entertainment, academics and any other field can also abuse our true self. What is glamorous for a while- even politics, can do much damage to the inner self. This is why political kids become brats who act beyond their power..
Many abused people run away from close up relationships. Their relationships do not last long. They make many superficial relationships. Such people move into journalism, drama, TV personalities, receptionists, hospitality etc where the work does not require deep relationships. They are bad at personnel management but may excel in marketing where quick and impressive talk pays. Many vivacious evenings spent in the company of acquaintances is a self deception to avoid opening up one’s true state. It is too painful to peel the many layers of hurt/offence/defence. The abused one abuses himself and others with words, thoughts, isolation, cold shouldering , moods, sexual aberrations, frigidity, denying sex to the spouse.
Remember the abused person becomes himself an abuser . This is true for sexual abuse and for other kinds of abuse. The father who was battered when he was a son with verbal attacks will do the same to his children. He will be exacting and demanding because that was what he got. The father who was deprived may sometime deprive the children. On the other hand those ho have been deprived, if they come into wealth, they abuse themselves with luxuries, overeating and comfort. Thus they spoil the children in comfort eating and other ways. The hard worked man when he climbs to the top will drive others to extreme. Those who were once looked down will need to perform and prove abusing themselves, their family and workmates.
The abused converts everyone who relates to him into a root of bitterness . His wife (or her husband), children, boss, teachers, parents, friends all after a while make up one more bitter root to his tree. He withdraws and builds a wall with each of them. They have knowledge on every subject especially the knowledge about the failure of others. Such knowledge makes them powerful and their weakness is justified. They search for errors of others with the nose of a hound on scent. Increasingly they move into the citadel of self sufficiency low performing all knowing, judging all.
There is no one who has not faced abuse . We are marred or scarred to different degrees.. Years away from the Father’s healing love, Jesus’ cleansing blood and the Holy Spirit’s comfort are years of abuse when we had to do damage control during life’s vicissitudes by our own human ingenuity. Had we come to Christ earlier, the Holy Spirit would have healed every hurt as it happened. Not coming to the Saviour is terrible abuse. The good news is that He is the Healer of the breach and the Restorer of the streets of life, who recreates His beauty from our ashes. Is 61:1-5. Fear not – Give God ashes. He will give you beauty
God the Father designed life that we may invest in others. We need a transformation of understanding to view people not as how they are useful to us and are useable by us but as how we can invest something good into them. Professions once were where the seniors thought it was there sacred trust to inculcate knowledge, right practice and ethics to their juniors. This was especially so in the medical and legal professions. Now every field has become preying ground for personal glory. Benefactors have turned to be ruthless dinosaurs who prey on their patients., clients, students and so on. Beneficiaries are confused as fiduciary trust is broken down at every level. While we blame the politicians we are no better as husbands, parents, leaders in our fields. Orwellian Farm is alive on planet earth.
GOD’S SOLUTION
The world is full of gaps and enmity . This is so since satan created the first gap in Eve’s mind, when he suggested, God had not given to you all He could have”. “He deprived me”, is the root of rejection. Into that gap, satan sowed enmity. Gen 3:15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He will bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel.
The gap is the deficit between
- God’s best and what we are
- Our aspiration and what we are
- What God intended and what we got
- What we are and what others expected of us
We may define abuse as the result of what God intended for us being denied and what God did not intend for us happening – omission of some good by our parents and other should be benefactors and commission of what should never be.
Satan sows enmity into this gap. The gap can arise in our own heart and with others. We can say, “I hate myself. I am not what I should be” or we also could say, “She does not love and respect me as she should”. Such gaps between spouses, parent & Child, master & servant, ruler & people are visited by satanic enmity. This enmity killed Christ on the cross. Our thorns, nails, whip, bruises, abrasions, lacerations came on Him. The cross is an unforgettable picture of sacrificial love overcoming cruel enmity. Anyone coming to the cross with his or her true self will have every deficiency filled in time – not at once, but as we work in relationships with the Lord and within His family.